the last few weeks have been really rough..
things just don't seem to be fitting
everything feels a mess..
and in some ways hopeless (.. i know it's not)

i'm reminded in times like these how good God is
even when this season feels so harsh and hard
i know God is good.. I know he wants the best for us
and if this is the best right now - we embrace, we learn from it
::: we must find contentment in it:::

i'll admit i haven't been doing a very good job
of being thankful, more of less learning from it
and certainly not content
in fact i've been pretty much the opposite
bad attitude, complaining, grumbling and feeling pity on myself
poor trevor he's tried so hard the last few days to love me
but i've been pretty unloveable
it not as if he doesn't feel the same i do -- he's trying to help
and i just want to scream..
boy am thankful for his love - and Hope he has for us

tonight at work i realized i was being a huge baby
and although things are in fact hard
everyone is dealing with stuff -- everyone is lacking something
whether it be money, love, relationships, or many other things
"this too shall pass...."
and why am i not thankful for what we do have??

like each other, God's love, loving families, great friends (near and far)
a car, a cute little apartment, college education, food on the table, did i mention each other?
(i think that's one of favorites..) we have jobs -- albeit not the best pay it's job!
what i'm trying to say is, there's plenty to thankful for
I just seem to by pass what i do have and want to focus on what we don't have
(seems to be the definition in discontentment....)
and yes we need another car.. and perhaps a switch in jobs so we can start paying down
some debt and bills, etc. we still DO have plenty to be thankful for.

thankful for a God who loves me despite me
despite who i am, how i act, and what i think i deserve
his grace and mercy are new each morning..
so tonight i am surrendering -- my fight for more
my fight is over.. i am laying down my sword
and asking God to come.. to fight to be by our side
to show us the doors he has for us --
we are His....

alright.. i have so much to share!
i am really into this blogging thing again ( i like it )
i've been having more down time after work
waiting for trevor to come get me, so i have internet time

(he's so sweet...)

but soon.... we are getting internet this week at our apartment
wooooohooooo!
so that's the first thing i have to announce.
secondly we are looking to get a webcam so we can skype
yaaaahoooooo!
see everyone lovely faces (that has a webcam too!)


thirdly, although we don't have a car yet, God is working
there are a few things in the works
and God has so graciously work out trevor and i's work schedule
and with some help from dear friends and family
we are doing okay

fourthly, i have a the weekend off !!!!!
and after a week like this (it's been 8 day in a row today & all before 6:30 am)
all i can say is
THANK YOU!
i need a break, we need a break -- we need to breathe.

we are going to strip district tomorrow with friends AA (trevor nickname for them)
adam and ashley, they have become dear friends
it's a shopping district in pittsburgh

one of my favorite (of many) places to go

soooo despite bad news of the week
and it just being a rough week
there are many exciting things on the horizon
we are so blessed & have so much to be thankful

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5

the honda finally died.

our car died.. lil ole blue :(
it's the car I've had since college
the one that i have been all along the east coast with
and commute to school and work.
i get married and then it dies :)
it must not like trevor -- j/k
BUT we now are in need of car

the feelings are swinging from argh to well, God will provide to man!
in the end, we know God will provide
but its quite emotional to come to terms with it all
we know something will come along that we can afford
(which isn't much)
i am grateful, extremely grateful for this opportunity to grow
to watch God work in my life & Trevor's
however that may be..


the last time the car was worked on and probably led to its death

steelers..

tonight i decided to stay in and spend time alone..
why? well.. usually i love hanging out with trevor
& believe me i still do :)
i'm just exhausted.. early mornings at work
too many late nights
it's all catching up to me.
i needed a few moments to myself
an early night into bed (again, last night and the night before too)
and just being...

so i sit here alone enjoying the quietness of the night
the moments i have to do what i please
and soon going to bed..
subconsciously waiting for trevor to climb in with me.

boy do i love that man.
so thankful.