the last few weeks have been really rough..
things just don't seem to be fitting
everything feels a mess..
and in some ways hopeless (.. i know it's not)

i'm reminded in times like these how good God is
even when this season feels so harsh and hard
i know God is good.. I know he wants the best for us
and if this is the best right now - we embrace, we learn from it
::: we must find contentment in it:::

i'll admit i haven't been doing a very good job
of being thankful, more of less learning from it
and certainly not content
in fact i've been pretty much the opposite
bad attitude, complaining, grumbling and feeling pity on myself
poor trevor he's tried so hard the last few days to love me
but i've been pretty unloveable
it not as if he doesn't feel the same i do -- he's trying to help
and i just want to scream..
boy am thankful for his love - and Hope he has for us

tonight at work i realized i was being a huge baby
and although things are in fact hard
everyone is dealing with stuff -- everyone is lacking something
whether it be money, love, relationships, or many other things
"this too shall pass...."
and why am i not thankful for what we do have??

like each other, God's love, loving families, great friends (near and far)
a car, a cute little apartment, college education, food on the table, did i mention each other?
(i think that's one of favorites..) we have jobs -- albeit not the best pay it's job!
what i'm trying to say is, there's plenty to thankful for
I just seem to by pass what i do have and want to focus on what we don't have
(seems to be the definition in discontentment....)
and yes we need another car.. and perhaps a switch in jobs so we can start paying down
some debt and bills, etc. we still DO have plenty to be thankful for.

thankful for a God who loves me despite me
despite who i am, how i act, and what i think i deserve
his grace and mercy are new each morning..
so tonight i am surrendering -- my fight for more
my fight is over.. i am laying down my sword
and asking God to come.. to fight to be by our side
to show us the doors he has for us --
we are His....