blabbering really..

I don't think anyone really reads this, which is ok
because I'm usually more writing to myself than anyone
but people can always learn from other peoples lessons i suppose.

when you enter a new place, season, or time
it always in a way tears you apart, breaks you down
everything you thought you were you question
people who don't know you, as they get to know you
you analyze and figure out yourself too.
why are you that way, why do you do this or that
you are you like this.. so where is the root of that
and on and on.
everything is laid bare.
you could i suppose put up walls, and facades.. but how would that help?

the process is rather frustrating no its very frustrating
however sometimes its necessary to back to YOU
it clears you down to the very bottom
and then in a sense you rebuild.

however if you are not careful you wipe out yourself
so you do have to hang on to the essentials
there are ways and things people do that makes them, them.
with all this being said, it does have to be grounded in Truth.
.. you aren't clearing the fields to put in weeds
your clearing the fields to put in fruitful plants

its almost feels like a funeral.. or mourning inside
for me, it does.
because something you've hung on to for so long, is dissipating
for good reason mind you..
but it doesn't make it any easier.

after re-reading what i wrote, that may seem a bit extreme
however i really feel like that really is the process in a person
when they allow themselves to be seen for who they are
and determined why and what they do is what it should be
or if they should
l e t i t g o . . .