contentment..

well.. hi.
I can't believe its July 20th already !!!
in a few short weeks my life is going to change again.
its forever changing.. which i like
well, i have a love-hate relationship with truth be told.

my mom told me the other day that
i'm here there and everywhere.
which is really a rather good explanation of my life
i really never know where i'll end up
until i'm there just about.
I still have no where to live this fall .. *sigh*
a few places are in the works, but nothing for sure
.. i know it will work out.
i have moments of freak outs about it
but in general i'm okay with it.
means i can stay with stevie and all my friends longer :)

i am absolutely loving my internship
my time with the people here
and everything else.. i feel refreshed
but on the other hand, i miss my friends.
i miss pennsylvania believe it or not.
i'm sure when i leave i'll miss FL too.
just might have to come back :)

i'm thinking about going to watch the sunset tonight at the beach
i've been dying to do it, and havn't so i think tonight might be the night
(gosh, i only have 3 weeks left, i need to get on it!)
the people i am staying with right now work until like 11 or so
.. i'll have the night free to myself.

some thoughts...
truth is since i started my college career oh so many years ago
i've always spent a lot of time alone
but after thinking about it yesterday..
although i do spend it alone, i'm not sure i ever embraced it
ever really enjoyed it, i mean i'm sure their were moments
but more often than not, i think i was really wishing someone else was there
or i was doing something else, throwing a pity party for myself -- whatever.
"grass is greener on the other side.."
never feeling quite content.

so yesterday i resolved to enjoy my time alone
and embrace it fully.
and you know what, i had a good time.
truth is, i always have a good time
its just i'm also always thinking about other people
or how if this person or that person was with me
so yesterday i didn't think about other people,
or how this or that would make this time better.

I'm trying to remember
that this time is really a gift, because who gets so much time to themselves ??
seriously!
when they are married or have a boyfriend, much less kids?
.. i should be thankful for this time and embrace it.
so i'm choosing to embrace
because who knows when this season will end
and i will no longer have it.
though i may not miss it..
i don't want to miss an opportunity to grow and learn from it.
within the silence and solitude of myself and with God.

i'm learning that even when i'm think i'm content
there is always room to grow more content.