seasons are changing.
so am i.

"... it's time to turn the new leaves over."
-anberlin, the unwinding cable car

i'm sitting here enjoy some soup i just made
seafood chowder.. i started off using a recipe
but then i deviated and made my own creation
it is so good, i wish i had someone to share it with.

".. it's like a book elegantly bond, but in a language that you can't read just yet."
Death Cab for Cutie, I will possess your heart

i got a new cell phone today
i love gifts, esp things from the heart.
.. i was very excited to open my "new" used cell phone.
i've had issues with every cell phone i've had for like the last 4 or so months
hopefully this will be the last of those "fits" for awhile.
i really like it so far... so hopefully that continues.

8 months until i graduate, hopefully.
8 months to find a job, a place to live, but more importantly
to know where God wants me.
i want to find myself exactly where he wants me
he knows my heart, my desires, and he knows what is best
as much as i want to plan and worry ...
I know it is best to rest in Him, and His words.
I want to be where my Father wants me..
so, I will continue to wait on Him...

"... be still and know that I am God"
Psalms 46:10

i cannot tell you how much i hate liars.
i hate them.
being honest is very important to me.

Truthful witness by a good person clears the air, but liars lay down a smoke screen of deceit.
Proverbs 12:17

God can't stomach liars; he loves the company of those who keep their word.
Proverbs 12:22

my current situation however i'm unsure of what to do
lying makes me angry...
and it also makes me wonder what else are you lying to me about?
why are you lying to me? why??

If you reason with an arrogant cynic, you'll get slapped in the face; confront bad behavior and get a kick in the shins. So don't waste your time on a scoffer; all you'll get for your pains is abuse. But if you correct those who care about life, that's different—they'll love you for it! Save your breath for the wise—they'll be wiser for it; tell good people what you know—they'll profit from it. Skilled living gets its start in the Fear-of-God, insight into life from knowing a Holy God. It's through me, Lady Wisdom, that your life deepens, and the years of your life ripen. Live wisely and wisdom will permeate your life; mock life and life will mock you.
proverbs 9:7

Truth lasts; lies are here today, gone tomorrow.
proverbs 12:19

despite what I want to do... and my emotions tell me do
i know that it's probably not wisdom.

typically my room stays pretty organized
but once and while it goes all chaotic.
that is def one of those times.

i was up super later last night doing homework
way too late.
& then woke up feeling really awful.
my ear aches, my cheeks ache, and i'm just miserable.
i took a nap when i got home from class
so at least i'm feeling a little bit better now.
and thankfully tomorrow i don't have any classes
lots of work to do though..
at least i won't have to leave my jammies to do it.

friday i have a presentation on canada.
oh canada, canada.
i feel like i know the country better than my partner
i've spent more time there and have lots of friends there too
i'm not even sure he's even ever been there!
however most people have never been to their countries
so i guess i've got a leg up on that.

oh dear. lately i've been realizing
that i have a lot more of a story..
i've done a lot more than most people
my age.. that is pretty amazing.
the other day in class someone asked a question

about housing - in PA is illegal to have more than 8 girls
in one house, its considered a brothel.
in texas there is no law onn the books
because i lived with 13 girls in one house (not a brothel!)
so, my professor got a kick out of the fact i knew this fact
and that i lived with 13 other girls - not in a brothel
he started teasing me, and i get embarrassed really easily.
so then my face turned purple, and then he made fun of me again.
haha. anyway - it made me think, if he only knew my story.
if he only knew..

i'm thankful, so thankful for my adventures
and hopefully more to come..

a girl can dream...

ramblings..
i really need to shave my legs
i'm horrible at that.
one day i hope my husband doesn't mind.
maybe he'll love me anyway
lets hope... or maybe i'll get better.
who knows.. cause i don't know.

anywayyyy
cleaned the apartment today
apparently we have mice or at least a mouse
(my roommate saw it not me, thankfully)
but i'm told that means we have 'mice'
doesn't make me very happy, it actually freaks me out.
i told a guy friend today - he wanted to come rescue me
and solve the problem.
how cute
but no thanks.
i'm picky about who rescues me, seriously.

i actually went through my t-shirts
and got rid of a bunch.
i even took pictures
because i knew people wouldn't believe me.
but while i was doing laundry today
i still have a lot. its totally my weakness.
i found an american apparel shirt for a buck!
a buck !!

i love jim & pam.
i secretly hope to be them.
not such a secret anymore huh?
i'm so glad the office is back.
they talked about utica (born there)
and they were in scranton (grew up there)
how strange.. ! i love it.

spent the weekend with my friends in state college
i love my friends.
we had family dinner - it was beautiful.
had lots of fun, played games and loved each other
then we went to the fair, and ate wonderful fating food.
bloomsburg fair - they will fry anything you want
wonderful beverages.. it was great.
apple cider, they were making the cider on site !!!

schoool... well, its a lot of work
i took my first accounting test
might of been the hardest test i've ever taken
its was awful.
blank pages - numbers.
international business.. test every friday
homework too.
my first calculus test is tuesday
... going to spend the weekend preparing
because i havn't done very well on the quizzes
why do we have to mess with equations ??
what did they ever do to us?
maybe they don't want to be differentiated
i'm not even sure what it is, yet.
i should know though.

sooo yeah.
the last few weeks
even with all my school work & etc.
i'm so thankful, overwhelmed by love & grace.
God is so good. sooo good.

I can't express in words the gratitude and love that i feel..
but when i'm more awake and collected in my thoughts
i will share more of why i feel this way
but for now.. i just know God's love is strong.
God is kind.. and seeing his hand at work
feeling and knowing it
makes me feel weak and small yet STRONG because
of God's strong arms and love...

What gives me the most hope every day is God’s grace; knowing that his grace is going to give me the strength for whatever I face, knowing that nothing is a surprise to God.

There is no amount of darkness that can extinguish the inner light. The important thing is not to spend our lives trying to control the environment around us. The task is to control the environment within us.
-Joan Chittester

Where there is great love there are always miracles.
-Willa Cather

"This brother of yours was dead, and he's alive! He was lost, and he's found!'" Luke 15:32

I don't know what to think or even feel right now.
i'm scared.
ryan is in trouble.. he's been in the dark for so long
he needs to get out, he needs help.
our prayers have been that everything would fall apart.
.... everything seems to be falling apart.

my parents received a call tonight saying
"come get me" from ryan
and then got disconnected.
they couldn't get a hold of him
and finally his ex girlfriend called back
and said stop calling. (she might be drunk)
and basically wants him out...
screaming was going on in the background
she wouldn't let my dad talked to ryan
finally she did - he just said "please come get me"

i'm not sure what is going on
all i can do is pray and hope.
ryan's world is being torn beneath him
and he is at rock bottom.
where else can he turn?

my parents live two hours away
they are on their way but can't get there fast enough
i think a family friend is going to up there
i have no idea what kind of situation he will walk into
but hopefully he will be safe.

my heart is broken but hopeful.
Father, bring your protection, your love and your wisdom.

i love my brother
i miss him.
it would be really nice to have him back.

overwelmed with portfolio, presentations, quizzes,
homework and tests..
school has began!
.. thankfully after tomorrow my internship work
will be wrapped up.
I'm nervous about my presentation
and can't wait to finish the portfolio.

today i was preparing the portfolio
attaching the proper headings, numbers, etc
I needed to print it out and compile it.
but of course my printers ink ran out after two pages
go figures...
blah.

ran into a creep at walmart - (on my ink run)
pretty sure he was a drug dealer.
he had the dog to prove it.
he was so sketchy... i kept my distance
although he was parked next to me
when i walked out he was outside his car
i just pretend like nothing was wrong
got in my car QUICKLY.. and locked my door
altoona certainly has more creeps than anywhere
i've lived before.. ew ew.

i'm in desperate need of a male.
.. i know that sounds really odd..
but i'm the least mechanical person you may ever meet
and so i need a boys help constructing (not sure if that is the right word)
i bought something i need help putting together.
i tried contracting a male friends help.. or at least his power tools
he scared me. i am no longer going to attempt it.
he'll have to or someone else. not me. I'll ruin it.
i could also use some protection.. (see creep at walmart)
haha :)

i miss state college and my friends more and more each day
i've spent equal time in state college and altoona.
i didn't see my friends all summer!
I'm so thankful for my friends.
they are such a good support system for me
people i can laugh, cry, talk, and discuss things with
... after this year we will all be going our seperate ways
some to colorado, some will stay in state college, others don't know yet
(like me...)

not too many people have asked me what my plans are yet
but enough have to begin to cause my anxiety to rise
I'm okay with not knowing.. but i hate not having an answer
when someone asks.

first i need to make it through all my classes
and walk out alive in the spring.
here's to hoping!