pretend

i've never been very good at pretending
which has never played to my advantage
well, thats a lie, it has and will always help me
but sometimes i wish i could pretend, better.
let things go without making issues
or not let things build up to a point of no return
i tend to wear my heart on my sleeve
for better or for worse - thats how i am
i'm not sure i like it.

spring break was this past week
it was good and bad
hard and still refreshing
i stayed here at school and worked for part of the break
and then got to go home for the rest of my break
going back home is always strange but good.
you know your parents move on with life
after you leave, but yet when you come back
and you see it with your own eyes
its hard... its their way of coping with you not being around
and i expect it but it doesn't make it any easier
it feels silly even to mention, why does it bother me?

i should say this, i'm horrible with change.
i love change and yet hate it
this coming from a girl who moves about every 2 years...
knowing that somethings changed or creating change is good
but when change happens and your not expecting it or like it
thats hard for me to swallow
i hate that about myself..