human condition..
that is something i've been thinking about lately
i posted a quote by cs lewis in my last post that made me think

"we are all fallen creatures and all very difficult to live with"
cs lewis

and how true this is..
we are difficult to love
we are difficult to live with
we are difficult to talk to
we are difficult to help
we are difficult to teach
we are difficult to be taught
we are just difficult.

thank God for His grace and mercy
and for the his redeeming power in my life
through the cross..
i do not get what i deserve.

John 8:5-12 (The Message)

The religion scholars and Pharisees led in a woman who had been caught in an act of adultery. They stood her in plain sight of everyone and said, "Teacher, this woman was caught red-handed in the act of adultery. Moses, in the Law, gives orders to stone such persons. What do you say?" They were trying to trap him into saying something incriminating so they could bring charges against him.

Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger in the dirt. They kept at him, badgering him. He straightened up and said, "The sinless one among you, go first: Throw the stone." Bending down again, he wrote some more in the dirt.

Then Jesus stood up again and said to the woman, “Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?” “No, Lord,” she said. And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.”

Its funny how everything you thought you knew..
changes so quickly and your left wondering

God has not been trying an experiment on my faith or love in order to find out their quality. He knew it already. It was I who didn’t. In this trial He makes us occupy the dock, the witness box, and the bench all at once. He always knew that my temple was a house of cards. He only way of making me realize the fact was to knock it down.
C.S Lewis A Grief Observed



"'You would not have called to me unless I had been calling to you,'" said the Lion."
The Silver Chair

... God is calling.
and he is near.

"'Don't you mind him,' said Puddleglum. 'There are no accidents. Our guide is Aslan.'"
The Silver Chair

To love at all is to be vulnerable. --C.S. Lewis

“We are all fallen creatures and all very hard to live with” C.S Lewis

this quotes makes me laugh..
but oh is it sooo true.

“I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.” CS Lewis

My Father is the way in which I see everything he is my window into the world.. and i am the reflection.

seasons are changing....

things change, people change
but God remains the same.
i'm so thankful for that.

and the game, if you will - keeps on changing...
i pray that who i am will be a spark
because of who God is.
how did this happen?
i was not expecting it..
but i know there is purpose in it.

On a good day, enjoy yourself;
On a bad day, examine your conscience.
God arranges for both kinds of days
So that we won't take anything for granted.
Ecclesiastes 7:14

carpe diem.

Mortals make elaborate plans, but God has the last word.
Humans are satisfied with whatever looks good;
God probes for what is good.
Put God in charge of your work,
then what you've planned will take place.
Proverbs 16:1-3

We humans keep brainstorming options and plans, but God's purpose prevails.
Proverbs 19:21

So don't get ahead of the Master and jump to conclusions with your judgments before all the evidence is in. When he comes, he will bring out in the open and place in evidence all kinds of things we never even dreamed of—inner motives and purposes and prayers. Only then will any one of us get to hear the "Well done!" of God
All I'm doing right now, friends, is showing how these things pertain to Apollos and me so that you will learn restraint and not rush into making judgments without knowing all the facts. It's important to look at things from God's point of view. I would rather not see you inflating or deflating reputations based on mere hearsay.
1 Corinthians 4:5-6

... whatever may be.. whatever God's purpose is in this i know will be
but i can't see & i don't know what that is...
i will rest in his words.. i know that is good
and time will tell, time will tell......

sitting, waiting, patiently in prayer.
obedience.
one touch.

"The longer this waiting goes on, the deeper the ache.."
Romans 1:11

this was said by Paul in response to wanting to see his dear friends of faith
... and i can identify with his feelings.

so many things are stirring in my heart
everyday i discover
i'm seeing God in everything.
I am on a journey
sometimes its easy and sometimes its hard
but through it all i find myself becoming more dependent on God
and surrendering my will, my control - and offer my life to Him
that's all i want.. really.

"God is kind, but he's not soft. In kindness he takes us firmly by the hand and leads us into a radical life-change." Romans 2:4

I'm learning lessons.
and learning that through my lessons
others can learn too
I go through my difficulties and such
for very personal reasons..
i struggle, i learn, i grow
but when i look back
i am able to say to others...
"this is what i've learned.."
I am thankful for that.
God is using me in ways i didn't expect.

i feel overwhelming sense of peace
i have desires and hopes
but i know surrender is whats required
restore and redeem


"I pray to God—my life a prayer— and wait for what he'll say and do.
My life's on the line before God, my Lord,
waiting and watching till morning, waiting and watching till morning.
O Israel, wait and watch for God— with God's arrival comes love,
with God's arrival comes generous redemption. No doubt about it—he'll redeem Israel,
buy back Israel from captivity to sin."
Psalm 130:6-8

"All I know is that I love you more than life..."

delight - to give great joy or pleasure to

"The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives."
Psalm 37:23

"Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires."
Psalm 37:4

"But me he caught—reached all the way
from sky to sea; he pulled me out
Of that ocean of hate, that enemy chaos,
the void in which I was drowning.
They hit me when I was down,
but God stuck by me.
He stood me up on a wide-open field;
I stood there saved—surprised to be loved!"
2 Samuel 22:20

"Let my cry come right into your presence, God;
provide me with the insight that comes only from your Word.
Give my request your personal attention,
rescue me on the terms of your promise.
Let praise cascade off my lips;
after all, you've taught me the truth about life!
And let your promises ring from my tongue;
every order you've given is right.
Put your hand out and steady me
since I've chosen to live by your counsel.
I'm homesick, God, for your salvation;
I love it when you show yourself!
Invigorate my soul so I can praise you well,
use your decrees to put iron in my soul.
And should I wander off like a lost sheep—seek me!
I'll recognize the sound of your voice."
Psalm 119: 169-176

being awaken to thought of God's delight in me is overwhelming
he delights in me!!

new surrender
what does this mean in my life?
I feel like surrender has been a theme in my life for the last 6 months
continually learning to surrender, give up myself, my control
and allow God to work..
to pluck, prick, pull and press my heart
painful at times? yes.
worth it? yes.
I gotta believe its worth it, i know it's worth it...


"my heart and soul, i give You control..."