yeah..

*sigh..*
life just keeps going..
sometimes it goes too fast and then too slow
but never seems balanced to me.
i'll be much happier when this season of my life passes
i know this time serves a purpose in my life
and its necessary, but its painful
and would prefer it to move along.

i am so sick of living alone and being alone.

i am definitely looking forward graduating school
and moving on to whatever is next.
i don't know whats next, i don't even know where I am living in the fall
but i think its gonna be better than where i am now in every way.

i'm striving however to remain thankful.. and content.
but its really hard.

sadness..

i'm always so sad after spending time with family
its always bittersweet.
i have such a great time when i'm with them
but after they leave, i'm alone again.
grant it, its the nature of where I am in life, and where I live
but its a reality check in several ways.
I hope next year is a little better than this year..
I'm not complaining, I'm thankful for where I live
and all my friends, but when you don't live with your friends
and your schedual is so busy, you don't get to see them very often
hence, being alone.
i don't like that part.

I can't wait for the season of my life for love...
i know every season and time has a purpose
and this is my season, and I will be content and thankful for it
but sometimes, i hate it.

i'm turning 25
boo
its not that bad acually, but i do feel old
old, in the sense I'm still in college, still growing up in many ways
feeling behind my peers, i guess you could say.
but i've also done alot in my life, so i'm not that behind.

just feeling a little sad and homesick
wishing my friends and I weren't always so busy
with school and work and life.
but had time to just be.
although i'm thankful for the times i get.

pretend

i've never been very good at pretending
which has never played to my advantage
well, thats a lie, it has and will always help me
but sometimes i wish i could pretend, better.
let things go without making issues
or not let things build up to a point of no return
i tend to wear my heart on my sleeve
for better or for worse - thats how i am
i'm not sure i like it.

spring break was this past week
it was good and bad
hard and still refreshing
i stayed here at school and worked for part of the break
and then got to go home for the rest of my break
going back home is always strange but good.
you know your parents move on with life
after you leave, but yet when you come back
and you see it with your own eyes
its hard... its their way of coping with you not being around
and i expect it but it doesn't make it any easier
it feels silly even to mention, why does it bother me?

i should say this, i'm horrible with change.
i love change and yet hate it
this coming from a girl who moves about every 2 years...
knowing that somethings changed or creating change is good
but when change happens and your not expecting it or like it
thats hard for me to swallow
i hate that about myself..

well?

I thought i'd give this a try..
but i'm now so maybe later.