he loves us.. ohhhhhhh how he loves us

man.. I thought after last monday (the fall)
that "monday's" couldn't get any worse
but they just did..

today was a day where I was unable to get away from my emotions
unable to separate myself from the circumstances and how i felt
maybe this is what God intended, but maybe not.
I am gonna have to think on that one
I was a hot mess.

none the less ... it was a really, really rough day
my emotions were a mess
I felt attacked, uncared for, and generally upset
I had enough.

have you ever had enough?
you just can't do it anymore?
all the strength you once had was gone?
that's exactly where I was.

and in those moments I want to run -- far, far away
I want to hide.. and pretend everything is okay
however what good does that do to my soul
or the situation?

so with a sigh of relief that the day is coming to a close
and knowing that tomorrow is a NEW day..
I can begin to let it go.. begin to know that it will be alright

I can now begin to count my blessings of the day
there is always good with the bad
today was no different
God purposes things and people in his perfect will..
and for that I am thankful..

"he loves us.. ohhhhhhh how he loves us.."

good & bad

this morning i fell down our stairs
let me say that again, i fell down our stairs
(i can't believe i actually fell down the stairs!)
from top to bottom
the moment i put my foot down on the icy/wet/snowy step
it was all over & before i knew it i was at the bottom
i got up.. in shock and thought i was going to faint or throw up
just my luck trevor couldn't of heard me because a train was going by
once i was able to regain my composure i called him

he scared i could hear it in his voice
i was scared too..
thankfully i slid down on my right side of my body from my waist
to right above my knee and a little of my calf..
but i'm only bruised - nothing else hurts
just very sore and very black and blue and swollen
it could of been much, much worse
I am so thankful its only some bruising

i was so shaken up and its all snowy here
trevor took me to work -- bless his heart
it was 6 am poor fella had gotten home late
from work the night before
but he was a trooper..
& i am so thankful for him

I am ever thankful for God's protection and goodness.

in good news -- yes i have good news :)
we got a car !!! woohooo!
it's sweet, it's a 2002 honda accord
we really like it and hope to have it for many, many years

& the other exciting news is.. i got a new phone
mine has been broken for quite some time - but usable
best buy was having an amazing deal
that if you renewed your contract or added a line with verizon
you got a free droid incredible..
i n c r e d i b l e !!
just my ticket, my phone was up - we wanted droids
and it was free..
it almost felt wrong walking out of the store
felt like i stole it..

so this all happened in one day
new car, new phone
& we went out for dinner and saw narnia (loved it!)
it was my christmas ahem, our christmas.
1st christmas in fact


Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning. Lamentations 3:23

Christmas is here..

tonight trevor and i decorated our apartment with a little christmas cheer
our tree is so tiny - but so cute..


& we really didn't have much
(hey it's our first married christmas)
but we had a lot of fun doing it
esp Trev.. he loves christmas
he's like a little decorating elf
it was really cute
it even made me get into a little more
which makes everyone happy



Trevor's mom gave us this little guy
she didn't want him anymore
i think he's adorable, named him frosty
yes frosty!

it's amazing how a day off helps put things into perspective
and gives you a rest --
I was SO thankful to have today off!!

still working out the details on the car..
we found one, we want it
just a matter of figuring out the other important details
praying, praying everything works out
and that doors will be opened
this car or another car but having one car is tough
we've grown a lot the last few weeks :)

"Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done." Philippians 4:6

the last few weeks have been really rough..
things just don't seem to be fitting
everything feels a mess..
and in some ways hopeless (.. i know it's not)

i'm reminded in times like these how good God is
even when this season feels so harsh and hard
i know God is good.. I know he wants the best for us
and if this is the best right now - we embrace, we learn from it
::: we must find contentment in it:::

i'll admit i haven't been doing a very good job
of being thankful, more of less learning from it
and certainly not content
in fact i've been pretty much the opposite
bad attitude, complaining, grumbling and feeling pity on myself
poor trevor he's tried so hard the last few days to love me
but i've been pretty unloveable
it not as if he doesn't feel the same i do -- he's trying to help
and i just want to scream..
boy am thankful for his love - and Hope he has for us

tonight at work i realized i was being a huge baby
and although things are in fact hard
everyone is dealing with stuff -- everyone is lacking something
whether it be money, love, relationships, or many other things
"this too shall pass...."
and why am i not thankful for what we do have??

like each other, God's love, loving families, great friends (near and far)
a car, a cute little apartment, college education, food on the table, did i mention each other?
(i think that's one of favorites..) we have jobs -- albeit not the best pay it's job!
what i'm trying to say is, there's plenty to thankful for
I just seem to by pass what i do have and want to focus on what we don't have
(seems to be the definition in discontentment....)
and yes we need another car.. and perhaps a switch in jobs so we can start paying down
some debt and bills, etc. we still DO have plenty to be thankful for.

thankful for a God who loves me despite me
despite who i am, how i act, and what i think i deserve
his grace and mercy are new each morning..
so tonight i am surrendering -- my fight for more
my fight is over.. i am laying down my sword
and asking God to come.. to fight to be by our side
to show us the doors he has for us --
we are His....

alright.. i have so much to share!
i am really into this blogging thing again ( i like it )
i've been having more down time after work
waiting for trevor to come get me, so i have internet time

(he's so sweet...)

but soon.... we are getting internet this week at our apartment
wooooohooooo!
so that's the first thing i have to announce.
secondly we are looking to get a webcam so we can skype
yaaaahoooooo!
see everyone lovely faces (that has a webcam too!)


thirdly, although we don't have a car yet, God is working
there are a few things in the works
and God has so graciously work out trevor and i's work schedule
and with some help from dear friends and family
we are doing okay

fourthly, i have a the weekend off !!!!!
and after a week like this (it's been 8 day in a row today & all before 6:30 am)
all i can say is
THANK YOU!
i need a break, we need a break -- we need to breathe.

we are going to strip district tomorrow with friends AA (trevor nickname for them)
adam and ashley, they have become dear friends
it's a shopping district in pittsburgh

one of my favorite (of many) places to go

soooo despite bad news of the week
and it just being a rough week
there are many exciting things on the horizon
we are so blessed & have so much to be thankful

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5

the honda finally died.

our car died.. lil ole blue :(
it's the car I've had since college
the one that i have been all along the east coast with
and commute to school and work.
i get married and then it dies :)
it must not like trevor -- j/k
BUT we now are in need of car

the feelings are swinging from argh to well, God will provide to man!
in the end, we know God will provide
but its quite emotional to come to terms with it all
we know something will come along that we can afford
(which isn't much)
i am grateful, extremely grateful for this opportunity to grow
to watch God work in my life & Trevor's
however that may be..


the last time the car was worked on and probably led to its death

steelers..

tonight i decided to stay in and spend time alone..
why? well.. usually i love hanging out with trevor
& believe me i still do :)
i'm just exhausted.. early mornings at work
too many late nights
it's all catching up to me.
i needed a few moments to myself
an early night into bed (again, last night and the night before too)
and just being...

so i sit here alone enjoying the quietness of the night
the moments i have to do what i please
and soon going to bed..
subconsciously waiting for trevor to climb in with me.

boy do i love that man.
so thankful.

what a splendid evening..
thoughts race through my head
thoughts of high school, childhood, college, and now marriage
i have so much to be thankful for..
so much gratitude in my heart
and so much love pouring out
sometimes lately my attitude has stunk..
i find myself complaining .. about stupid things
why am i not more thankful?

God has blessed Trevor and i with so much
in such a short period of time..
our lives are in His hands
we do no want to step without knowing
that it is him, it is what he wants..
not want WE want..
we don't always succeed in this
but this is our hearts desire.

man, so much has changed.
i'm married !!!
i think we are finally adjusting to this..
to it all, and it's nice.
it's not just nice it's wonderful..
i couldn't ask for a better man.. a better husband
we have so much fun together.. laugh and talk

yeah, i'm pretty thankful.

almost all the snow is gone..
and warm air has moved in
my spirit feels more alive
less paralyzed by the chill of winter
this is a good thing.

winter taught me new things about myself
things i would of never thought or known
if i hadn't endured, fought, and struggled
so I am thankful.

spring however makes me joyous!
new season of flip flops, t-shirts, shorts..
and new season of upcoming marriage
plans, friends, family - husband to be.
there is light at the end of this tunnel
i feel it in my bones and i know it to be true

some days are up and others are down
but each day is truely a gift from God..
struggle or ease, it is all a gift.. and blessing
and i want to embrace it as such
it's not always so easy..
it's easier for me to worry, complain, and cry

i sort of feel like everything has been slow motion..
but i have a feeling things are going to just start swirling around me
and not stop... time will move fast, things will happen
and everything will just move..
wedding invites, rsvp, showers, friends, family, marriage, honeymoon
boom it's over!
but that's okay.. it's a season.. of excitement, yes and hope and love
still a season..

i can't wait for the next season, but i will enjoy this season too!
although sometimes its hard, i know God strengthens me each and everyday
I have so much to be thankful for..

wanderings of my mind..

when will spring come?
how long must we wait??
40.6 inches this month
ENOUGH ! !

i want to rest..
rest in Him..
i feel as though i can't win..
no matter what I do
my heart is heavy and burdened.
what do i do?

i guess.. no i know, i must wait.
wait for Him to lead me..
to save me... it's all i can.
w a i t . .

it's hard.

they're so many things to be joyful and thankful for
marriage! two become one.. new seasons..
but this seasson.. ugh, i don't like it
but i am learning..
learning to trust.. to hope.. to know.. and to be..
i must learn.
i want to learn..
through this all.. beauty rises.
thank you.