I can't believe it.

I can't believe summer is almost over!
.. i always say that every year.
i soak in every bit of summer i can
but it never seems to be enough!
... classes start monday.
I need to get my job straighten out
among other things.. i havn't even started my list yet.
i already have a presentation !!
and "homework" i need to do for it
(i havn't even started yet.. ekkk)
I don't move into my apartment until saturday
sort of a nomad until then.

its been a challenging week & 1/2
certainly has had its ups and downs
moving is like death a friend told me this week
... that's how i feel.
i'm losing not only a home but memories.
my brothers and I are all grown up now
but thats where we spent most of our time together
where friends came over and hung out
where we laughed, cried, yelled and screamed
but we were a family.. those memories will still be with me.
i called it home for 13 years..
though i think i'm properly grieving it and letting it go
its still hard very hard.

I'm really not one to put down roots
or find myself settled in one place for the rest of my life
my dad told me the other day "I was a restless soul"
but with this move, my parents moving
its like a anchor i've always known as home
is now gone..
where is home?? what exactly do i call home?
it makes me long for home..

my seasons have changed.
and are continuing to change.
I am sooo thankful.
whats next?
i pray with anticipation..

on my long road trips alone..

A few weeks ago on my way back from seeing a good friend
i was driving home.. and just enjoying the moment(s).
I was listening to music, podcasts, etc.
I came across a new band, that I hadn't listened much to before
... and one of the songs really struck me..
I began praying.. praying for those I love
and those I know need to come HOME.
the last few days almost every time i get in my car
the same song has been playing on the radio..
Switchfoot- This is Home
I can't find this song anywhere to download
but i love it.... I'm going to post the lyrics at the bottom of the post.

the other song i fell in love with was Captives Come Home
this song is by Run Kid Run..
the song broke my heart and gave me hope.
i know so many people that are CAPTIVE
my brother is the one closest and dearest to my heart.
he needs to be set free..
last night was a step towards that
I don't know what the end result will look like in his life
or if this will stick.. but I know my heart is heavy
and screams ... set the captive free....
come home

and my prayer is... what happened in Luke 15
that restoration will come..
that - "This brother of yours was dead, and he's alive! He was lost, and he's found!'" Luke 15:32
i miss my brother, my heart aches for him to be alive again.

Switchfoot - This is Home
I've got my memories
They're always
Inside of me
But I can't go back
Back to how it was
I believe now
I've come too far
No I can't go back
Back to how it was
Created for a place
I've never known

This is home
Now I'm finally
Where I belong
Where I belong
Yeah, this is home
I've been searching
For a place of my own
Now I've found it
Maybe this is home
Yeah, this is home

Belief over misery
I've seen the enemy
And I won't go back

Back to how it was
And I got my heart
Set on
What happens next
I got my eyes wide
It's not over yet
We are miracles
And we're not alone

And now after all
My searching
After all my questions
I'm gonna call it home
I got a brand new mindset
I can finally see
The sunset
I'm gonna call it home

Now I know
Yeah, this is home

I've come too far
Now I won't go back
This is home

Run Kid Run - Captives Come Home
Now you're lost but found
The sinking sand has pulled you in and brought you down
Struggle that's beyond yourself
Don't you know you gotta get up, get up and find a way back home
So hold on tight, let's go
And leave behind false sense of hope
Where creeping shadows call your name

As I'm waiting for the world to end
I'm clinging on to oxygen
I'm pulling captives by the hand
Come home, come home
Come home...

Words come and go
But how will your actions unfold?
Your character will be shown when lights go down now
Creeping shadows call your name (creeping shadows)
Possession is their claim
Now turn it around, turn it around

As I'm waiting for the world to end
I'm clinging on to oxygen
I'm pulling captives by the hand
Come home, come home
I'm waiting for the world to end
I'm clinging on to oxygen
I'm pulling captives by the hand
Come home, come home
Come...home

The world is falling faster
Falling so take this step and leap
To bring you over from the other side

I'm waiting for the world to end
I'm clinging on to oxygen
Pulling captives by the hand
Come home, come home
There's something inside that box you close
That only opens when your life explodes
On the other side, come home
Explodes, on the other side, come home
Come home
Come home
Come home
Come home
Come home...

Father, soften his heart.
bring him back.
open his eyes and
help him find his way back come home.


on a side note.. my hair is absolutely ridiculous this long.
never again. !
this was last christmas, its the only decent picture i could really find.

four days left.
then I'm North bound...
i'm looking/editing through pictures
mostly from last night
but also from the summer in general.
it just reminds me how time has flown by.
but it hasn't went in vain.

if i were to stay a day longer..
the sweetness, the preciousness of the time would be lost
i was here for a certain amount of time.
and that's it.
who knows if i'll be back..
but i know now my time is done.
its time to go back.
not to go back to what I once was
or how i felt
but time to go back to my family and friends
and to school..... i cannot wait to graduate.
and get on with my life already!

my heart feels different.
I've approached, surrendered and confronted
so many deep things
thing i didn't even know were there
or still there!
i'm sure there is plenty more to come out
but at least this is a start..

When I first got here
Nikki told me she felt like this season
was going to be a rainy season
that parts of my would come alive again
it would be refreshing, renewing
and that old would die and new would come.

now i'm at the back end of my internship and stay
(because lets be real folks, it wasn't just about an internship)
and i can say it has felt like rain
a soaking rain..
to purify, renew and give life.
... i found what it means (again) to live.
what it takes to find the face of God
desperation.
not a "equation" or "secret code"
its simple surrender and desperation.
you cannot get into narnia a secret way or even the same way
(remember lucy couldn't get back in to the wardrobe the same way..)
you have to wait and watch.. and in those moments
within yourself you will know.. its time.
i kind of feel like i've been in narnia truth be told
and i almost feel as though when i go back, it will feel as though
no time has passed.. (of course it has..)

As I step into my new season, new time.
I have absolutely no idea what it will look like
or what is in store for me
but I know I have a place to lay my head
great friends and great family.
.. I'm feeling very blessed.

I am so thankful
so thankful for God's faithfulness
and His goodness..
the love and care he pours through other people
and in the moments within myself I know His love
i'm thankful for so many things.
and i don't deserve any of it.