living in the city is very different..
i grew up in the country, where it took time to get anywhere
not because of people or traffic but because of the long country roads
i now live in the city where everything is at your finger tips
which typically sounds "amazing", however it also puts you
with lots and lots of people..
that's something i'm getting use to.
lots of people, lots of places to go, lots of cars.
it takes longer than you think to get anywhere.
welcome to the city.

do i like the long country roads to take me out?
or lots of people and cars?
i miss my my long country roads.
at heart i'm still a country girl.

but i will be content and accept this season of my life
i do like pittsburgh, and all it has to offer
just a transition time.. culture shock, etc.

living with a new family is a new thing.
although i've done things like this before
living on a bus, staying with host home families is similar
but a long term stay with a new family is a bigger adjustment
all families are different and unique
and getting use to all the quirks and changes is interesting

its helps me grow, become more aware of myself and ultimately depend on God solely.
he is all I have.. he is my rock and who i turn to.
everything is changing, everything is new and different
but God has me in his lifeboat.. the waves may crash around me
and it may thunder and lighting but I know my God has me.
i will not be afraid.

such is life..
life is not always what we think
or what we want..
but it is what we need.

still in search of a "real" job..
i know that it's a process..
and patience certainly plays a role in it as well
it certainly builds my faith

everyday it makes me more thankful
and certain of God's secure hand over my life
and i will wait patiently
some days are better than others
but in the end i know, my God is a good God.
and he cares for me.

I want my life to be meaningful
to make an effect on others
and glorify God..
my goal is to have my life be a reflection of God

"God is a consuming Fire. He alone can refine us like gold,
and separate us from the slag and dross of our selfish
individualities to fuse us to this wholeness of perfect unity
that will reflect His own Triune Life forever.."
-thomas merton, new seeds of contemplation

"... if you let God set you free from your own selfishness
and if you life for love alone" - thomas merton

"the wise counsel God gives when I'm awake
is confirmed by my sleeping heart...
day and night I'll stick with God
I've got a good thing going and I'm not letting go..."
Psalms 16: 7-8

I listen to pandora.com a lot.. and skillet has been playing often
a band i don't typically listen to much, but have always liked
I'm realizing the depth of their lyrics..

this song just came on.. rebirthing
"Rebirthing now
I wanna live for love wanna live for you and me
Breathe for the first time now
I come alive somehow"

coming alive... in the newness of each day
God offers us a new day everyday...
we become new because of what He's done..
we can walk in freedom..

as random as pandora is, there is a theme appearing as i wrote this..
Breathe into me, Red
"Breathe your life into me....I can feel You"

I want to fully embrace the new day God has to offer
no matter the past or the future
i want to live now in today

"... I'm not trying to get my way in the world's way
I'm trying to get Your way, your Word's way.
I'm staying on your trail, I'm putting one foot in front of the other
I'm not giving up...."
Psalms 17:4-5

"And we are not so focused on what could happen that we miss what is happening."
-article from relevantmagazine.com

“Change is the essence of life. Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become.”

I recently went through and re-read some of my old entries
its so interesting to see the "time line" in my life
as i go from time to time - season to season..
things change - people change - time moves on
but God never changes... he's always constant.

in winter we wish for spring
and then in spring we always wish for summer
..... we are indeed fickle.

You satisfy me more than the richest feast.
I will praise you with songs of joy.
Psalm 63:5


Do not depend on the hope of results.
You may have to face the fact that your work will be apparently worthless and even achieve no result at all, if not perhaps results opposite to what you expect.
As you get used to this idea, you start more and more to concentrate not on the results, but on the value, the rightness, the truth of the work itself.
You gradually struggle less and less for an idea and more and more for specific people.
In the end, it is the reality of personal relationship that saves everything.
Thomas Merton


So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline.
Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense.
Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you.
And regardless of what else you put on, wear love.
It's your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it.
Colossians 3:12

Love is our true destiny.
We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone-we find it with another.
Thomas Merton

change has come
a new season has come..
my spring came upon my winter without warning..
i could not be more thankful..

"For there is a time and a way for everything, although man’s trouble lies heavy on him. For he does not know what is to be, for who can tell him how it will be?"
Eccelesiastes 8:6-7

you never know... you just never know
what will be..
God's purposes and ways are not my own
i will trust in Him and His way...

today i was listening to a sermon..
and the pastor was talking about complaining & grumbling..
which is quite prevalent in my life.. as i'm sure it is yours...
he pointed out that when the Israelites were in the wilderness
all they could do was complain... looking down at their feet
& themselves to simply complain
"not enough food" "should of died in Egypt" and on and on..
they always had something to complain about..
but if they looked up.. they may just see a bigger picture
perhaps a wall of water being held back for them..
ironic isn't it? when we get lost in ourselves
we don't see the big picture.. and see what God is doing.
there is a purpose in everything, God's purpose..
i would rather discover that..

Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life—
in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing. But even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you. So you too should be glad and rejoice with me.

God does not work by only one method, paint in only one color, play in only one key, nor does He make only one star shine onto the earth.

Eberhard Arnold

The root choice is to trust at all times that God is with you and will give you what you most need. Henri Nouwen

Joy does not simply happen to us. We have to choose joy and keep choosing it every day. Henri Nouwen