thankful..

after waiting and waiting
searching, praying and surrendering
i have finally found a place to call
!!!!!!!
i'm so thankful, excited.
everything worked out
every need i had was met.
right up to the very detail..
How great is our God?

on other note..
this season is soon ending
and another is beginning
i'm not sure what all is awaiting me
but i do know what I feel
I feel peace.
as sad as it is to leave this season
i feel okay with it, i'm ready.
as details for the autumn fall into place
and as time dwindles down.. (faster than i'd like)
I have peace. I feel prepared to let go.
i have an excitement to see what is next
who knows awaits me!

“It is only with the heart that one can see rightly,

what is essential is invisible to the eye”

-Entoine De Saint Little Prince

"For there is a time and a way for everything,

although man’s trouble lies heavy on him.

For he does not know what is to be,

for who can tell him how it will be?"
Ecclesiastes 8:6-7

I just want to know...

waiting is very hard for me....

waiting on something that i know is going to happen is ok.
but waiting for an "unknown" is pretty difficult for me
perhaps its a control issue
or maybe its the fear of being abandoned...
(or both)
but my soul feels tortured, hurt and alone.
i know that its not healthy..
its also not of God
.. waiting builds character - builds endurance
and strengthens faith.

but it feels so dark and alone.
i know my heart is being tested.. my heart is being cleaned
and made new.. becoming soft and pliable..
despite how alone and hurt I may feel
i still have p e a c e .
perhaps that is the only thing i have to hold on to
peace - peace in knowing God has a plan
God has a plan! he has a plan for my life..
he has everything worked out
despite my need and desire to work it out myself
It's in his time --- not my time.
(this really been pressed on my heart today)
waiting on God's time..
will bring great reward...
my friend reminded me that good doesn't come without work
so I will wait.

"hope begins in the dark you wait and watch and work.
you don't give up....."
-Anne Lamott

just curious.
does anyone read this?

I firmly believe..

you know..
grace is easily the most overlooked act
it goes against all reason and logic to be graceful.
to give people grace and freedom.
its extremely hard.

whenever i interact with someone who is really graceful
i'm usually in awe..
how do they do it? how can they possess such love?
and typically they make it look easy too !
but when i interact with someone who's grace is limited
it makes me sad...
it makes me sad for that person.

whenever i'm not graceful which more often than not
if truth be told..
i walk away with a broken heart
knowing that grace would of been a better choice
a better way.. a path less traveled
but more fulfilling.

just as love never fails.
and its from my Fathers hand
so is grace.

contentment..

well.. hi.
I can't believe its July 20th already !!!
in a few short weeks my life is going to change again.
its forever changing.. which i like
well, i have a love-hate relationship with truth be told.

my mom told me the other day that
i'm here there and everywhere.
which is really a rather good explanation of my life
i really never know where i'll end up
until i'm there just about.
I still have no where to live this fall .. *sigh*
a few places are in the works, but nothing for sure
.. i know it will work out.
i have moments of freak outs about it
but in general i'm okay with it.
means i can stay with stevie and all my friends longer :)

i am absolutely loving my internship
my time with the people here
and everything else.. i feel refreshed
but on the other hand, i miss my friends.
i miss pennsylvania believe it or not.
i'm sure when i leave i'll miss FL too.
just might have to come back :)

i'm thinking about going to watch the sunset tonight at the beach
i've been dying to do it, and havn't so i think tonight might be the night
(gosh, i only have 3 weeks left, i need to get on it!)
the people i am staying with right now work until like 11 or so
.. i'll have the night free to myself.

some thoughts...
truth is since i started my college career oh so many years ago
i've always spent a lot of time alone
but after thinking about it yesterday..
although i do spend it alone, i'm not sure i ever embraced it
ever really enjoyed it, i mean i'm sure their were moments
but more often than not, i think i was really wishing someone else was there
or i was doing something else, throwing a pity party for myself -- whatever.
"grass is greener on the other side.."
never feeling quite content.

so yesterday i resolved to enjoy my time alone
and embrace it fully.
and you know what, i had a good time.
truth is, i always have a good time
its just i'm also always thinking about other people
or how if this person or that person was with me
so yesterday i didn't think about other people,
or how this or that would make this time better.

I'm trying to remember
that this time is really a gift, because who gets so much time to themselves ??
seriously!
when they are married or have a boyfriend, much less kids?
.. i should be thankful for this time and embrace it.
so i'm choosing to embrace
because who knows when this season will end
and i will no longer have it.
though i may not miss it..
i don't want to miss an opportunity to grow and learn from it.
within the silence and solitude of myself and with God.

i'm learning that even when i'm think i'm content
there is always room to grow more content.

love never fails...

it really doesn't.
getting angry, having revenge, or trying to get your own way
it doesn't work.
but love never fails.

in the face of injustice, selfishness, and everything else
the only thing, the only choice you have is to love.
love never fails.

in the last 12 hours that is all my heart stirs
love never fails.
that no matter what happens..
despite everything, love is the only way.
its the better way, it leads to eternal life
when this world is shaken all that will be left is the eternal
your love will be known.

i feel like getting angry and upset is "easier"
it makes more sense
but its not, it is not.
giving grace to those who don't deserve it
that was my Father's hand..
i will extend that hand.

burn burn burn.

i am so stinkin burnt.
so burnt in fact that i just woke up because of it
i was taking a nap, being burnt takes a lot out of you.
and i woke up because my back was hurting
.. this is why i typically avoid sun and the beach!
i used sunscreen, apparently it does nothing for me?
but after the burn fades, i will be tan - is all the pain worth it?
NO.
i still like the beach, i will need to use like a 75 spf i guess. :)

in other news...
my time here is wrapping up.
its starting to make me sad.
I exactly a month left now.
school starts in like a month and half.
thats is soo crazzzy.
where has the summer gone?

this season has been so good
i don't even know what has transpired in my heart yet
but i know good things have happened.
and are still yet to come.

whoa

I am so out of this morning.
i can't seem to wake up.
strangely enough almost every customers has felt that way
.. we aren't very busy today - not sure why.
i'm eying a cinnamon roll... in the pastry case
but should i really eat it?
I have a nectarine next to me..
i should have that instead.

ohhh dear.
I'm sitting here listening to music
a song just sparked something..
why is it everyone thinks they want to be somewhere else?
they can't be content where they are.
they want to be in another country, state, or with friends - this or that
just anywhere but here -- seems to be the mentality.
"the grass is always greener on the other side"

well its not.
be content where you are, God has you there for a reason and purpose
if you don't sit and be still - you won't know that
you'll be busy looking - for something you can't find.
but if you sit and wait.. but only if you sit and wait.
you may be surprised.
be content in where you are and what you have.

star wars, c.s lewis, thomas merton and etc.

those are the things in my life lately.
some i like, others i don't.

star wars is something i never seem to understand
the fellas here love it.

i watched the first narnia again last night.
every time i watch it, something new pops out to me
it never gets old and i always love it.

i'm considering going to see the second one again.
the first time i saw it, i had been traveling for two days
and i was a tad tired
really all i could think about was my butt and back hurting.
the second time i went with a friend and he talked the whole time
he kept wanting to know what was going to happen
and we had been sitting in church an hour earlier
so it just seems like every time i have seen it
i have been distracted.
so, i'd like to go and see it again.
plus it just never gets old.

i started reading four loves by cs lewis again
i'm not sure how much of it i'll re-read
because i've already read it once, but its so good
so we'll see, i have like four books started right now
oi oi.

my first thought..

my first though i had this morning when i woke up was
"i need coffee.. ugh"
however i was awake enough to think that
(usually i am dead to the world... and thinking nothing)
that in all likelihood I didn't really need it as much as i thought
anyway..

some interesting characters come in the cafe
i mean after all i'm in FL -
which has a slew of interesting people.
its so hard to explain..
some customers are normal, some are grouch
and the rest of are just weird.
such is the coffee business i suppose.
most people who like coffee are very paticular
they want things a certain way and only that way
they don't really like change... or trying anything new
they like what they like.
(of course this a HUGE generalization)

I've been re-reading some of the narnia books
i'm reading the last battle right now
i don't think i actually ever read it
i still love the lion, the witch and the wardrobe the best
and a few others better but the last battle is really good too.
i highly recommend all of them.

i might go to the beach tonight - not sure
i'd like to, i took an adventure on thursday to st.pete
it was fun, relaxing, etc.
it would be really fun to go with someone
but i really did have a good time alone as well

ps, jon foreman's (the lead singer of switchfoot)
he has new EP's out that are inspired by season
i don't have all of them yet, i have a few of the songs
but so far they are really good..
his songs are always so deep and meaningful
they are deeper than many people realize
so check it out.

dreams.

the thought of my dreams might actually mean something
or rather they are my Father speaking to me..
is rather humbling, humbling indeed.

I have crazy dreams, I always have.
but lately they seem so real life and meaningful
sometimes they seem like they mean nothing
and later are so deep.

its completely crazy.
... i do love sleep though :)