I am sad, excited, hopeful, nervous, and on the verge of tears.
but i also have an overwhelming sense that I am safe.
I am scared and as a friend said, "living on the edge"
but i am safe.
i have peace in that..
despite everything....
all my belongings are in boxes....
i'm moving, my parents are moving
and i'll be in FL all summer
but i am still feel safe
feeling very excited, its a new season, new chapter !!
but today was all about goodbyes... they are always hard.
.. and with goodbyes tears usually come.

saying goodbye to tunkhannock, friends, places, my house and room..
(that is no longer orange, so already not the same)
change is a natural part of my life
i don't always like it, but its something that always happens
i've grown accustom to it.
but my sense of feeling safe, and peace is from God
my trust is in him.

i feel like the first time I went white water rafting
(or anything extreme really..)
i was really scared, but I knew I'd be safe.
even if I fall in, I know i'm safe in God's arms.

my bags are packed, boxes are stuffed
i've said my goodbyes
and tomorrow i'm headed south
to begin a new chapter
spend my summer learning, growing, and developing.

let me just say though, the last two weeks
have been utterly exhausting
working, packing and working and packing some more..
i'm so glad that part is over.

pumpkin pancakes.. yummmm

without school work, i've had a lot more time in a sense.
I'm moving in a week
so that means i've been packing like crazy (so sick of packing !! )
and working.. which is good.
but when i'm not doing either of those things
i've been having friends over.
making them food.

last night my friend daria came over
and we made from scratch, pumpkin pancakes
i've actually never had them before
but let me be the first to tell you, they are amazing.
i highly recommend them, or better yet come over
and i'll make some for you.
i really enjoy making food for people
i'm not the best cook in the world, but people appreciate
(my family are my toughest critics, we all grew up cooking/baking)
the simplest of food...
and i think i mostly enjoy how it brings people together.
its like what coffee does to people...

I'm leaving for FL in a week
and most of my friends are gone, i'm so thankful for daria though
she's here, and we've been spending time together
she watches me pack :) we make food, talk about life.
i do however miss my girls...
being able to call one of them up to meet up for coffee
or crashing in one of their rooms for the night
i love what this year developed into.
it was a fantastic year.
busy, but fantastic. :)

i wonder what next year will bring?
sad to think this school year is gone...
i'm still homeless.. :)

i feel like my life is my own without school
when school is in session, it takes over my life
i stay locked away in my room, trying to motivate myself
to get work done, and when i'm not doing that
i'm working, driving, or sleeping..
working while going to school is a lot of work
i'm glad to say, i work for what I have
but sometimes I wish I didn't have to work so much.
because it would give me a little more time to work harder
on my school work, spend time with friends, or other things i neglect
when i'm in school...
thankfully, i only have one more year, a big year but one more.

with all that said...
i am looking forward to my summer
it will contain a lot of work
but i am looking forward to it.
hands on experience, community, FL !
i am just very hopeful for the new few months.
and i can't believe i'm leaving already!

ps, i hate packing.
i've moved more than the average bear
(i've only 25, and i've moved like 5 times in my adult life..)
but let me tell you packing never gets easier...
well, maybe it does, but i still hate it every time.

it could not be more clear....

I find myself praying for a sign
often when I'm unsure of what to do
or i feel like i'm lost, need direction and need wisdom.
I pray for a sign
many times I pray but I don't expect one..
how foolish I am, how foolish.

God has not only provided a clear sign
each and every time
he directs me.. where I belong
makes my heart feel at peace and feel loved

the next season in my life is full of excitement
some sadness, hope, and love.
I am still homeless for the fall
but I know where and what I will be doing for the next three months
and really that's all I need to know.
I know God will provide each and every need.
boy, am I really learning about living by faith.
its not easy.. but i'm growing and learning..

many highs and lows
through the whole process
but in the end, i know I'm in good care.
hallelujah !

its funny when you get to a certain age
you begin to purge your life..
realize you simply have too much crap
that is what my weekend has been all about
... four garbage bags and counting of trash
over a dozen boxes of stuff to give away.
i have so many books and cds.
i found shoes from 6th and 7th grade !!
(i simply have a shoe problem)
what do you do with your varsity jacket??

but there are still a few precious things
pictures, old letters, journals, things that i just can't seem to part with yet
... looking through all my old things makes me feel like it was another life
something i experienced and i remember
but yet seems so far away from now.
and it makes me feel so old.. yet so young
looking through all my families pictures, youth group, teen mania
makes me miss so many different people, those times in my life
yet i have my whole life yet to be lived.. !
my past has helped form and develop who i am now
but i have a so many amazing things waiting for me..
reminds me of the verse in Jeremiah..

"For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

looking through the past reminds you how many and how much
your friends and family love you.
i'm glad letters are tangible.
i really miss my brothers tonight.

I almost feel like i'm about to jump off a cliff..
life is changing, developing
my heart is in a place of hope and anticipation
i feel like its something big...

i ran the numbers.. i have to get a 87 or higher

watching walk the line...
i like it..

my to do list is shrinking
that is for sure a good thing.
i did my presentation today
that went pretty well
we ran out of time in class
so i had to do in front of just my professor
it then ended up being more a conversation
which worked for me.

then i had a bisci final
didn't really do any studying for it
thankfully ran into Pete
a guy in my class and a few other classes
he asked me if i was ready with a smile on his face
i was like umm
and he said, be honest..
well, not really.
he had notes, he let me copy them
and i studied for about two hours in the library
i felt a lot more prepared after that
and i think i did "ok" on my final.

i still have my business plan to hand in and do
and my BA 322 final
i have the next two days to do that.

i'm so excited about going home for the weekend and then some
gonna visit my family
get stuff done before i go to FL
purge my belongings in my room
i have so much stuff
stuff from high school still.
i need to really go through it all
it might even be kind of fun, who knows.

i also need to start packing my apartment up
i get myself in a tizzy when i pack
but its fun at the same time.
right now i'm all about purging everything in my life.

"april is hell."
my professor said in class last night, he's right
I can't wait for this semester to be over
this week was much better than last
and next week will be even better, thursday i'm done!
but still feel like crying almost ever day

the weather has been changing like crazy
last week it was in the 80's
the last few days its been like 40ish
today it began to change..
i always get a sinus headache from the weather when it changes
then your head pounds, and when you walk you can't stand it
its the worst type of headache
cranky, angry, overwhelmed, stressed, tired.

i was suppose to do a presentation today
and we ran out of time
another thing i can't mark off my 'to do list'
grrr.
i've had enough.

i'm so glad it'll be over soon.

i'm going to drown myself to in coffee, junk food, sugar, and dark chocolate
then i'll gain 10 pounds :)