a girl can dream...

ramblings..
i really need to shave my legs
i'm horrible at that.
one day i hope my husband doesn't mind.
maybe he'll love me anyway
lets hope... or maybe i'll get better.
who knows.. cause i don't know.

anywayyyy
cleaned the apartment today
apparently we have mice or at least a mouse
(my roommate saw it not me, thankfully)
but i'm told that means we have 'mice'
doesn't make me very happy, it actually freaks me out.
i told a guy friend today - he wanted to come rescue me
and solve the problem.
how cute
but no thanks.
i'm picky about who rescues me, seriously.

i actually went through my t-shirts
and got rid of a bunch.
i even took pictures
because i knew people wouldn't believe me.
but while i was doing laundry today
i still have a lot. its totally my weakness.
i found an american apparel shirt for a buck!
a buck !!

i love jim & pam.
i secretly hope to be them.
not such a secret anymore huh?
i'm so glad the office is back.
they talked about utica (born there)
and they were in scranton (grew up there)
how strange.. ! i love it.

spent the weekend with my friends in state college
i love my friends.
we had family dinner - it was beautiful.
had lots of fun, played games and loved each other
then we went to the fair, and ate wonderful fating food.
bloomsburg fair - they will fry anything you want
wonderful beverages.. it was great.
apple cider, they were making the cider on site !!!

schoool... well, its a lot of work
i took my first accounting test
might of been the hardest test i've ever taken
its was awful.
blank pages - numbers.
international business.. test every friday
homework too.
my first calculus test is tuesday
... going to spend the weekend preparing
because i havn't done very well on the quizzes
why do we have to mess with equations ??
what did they ever do to us?
maybe they don't want to be differentiated
i'm not even sure what it is, yet.
i should know though.

sooo yeah.
the last few weeks
even with all my school work & etc.
i'm so thankful, overwhelmed by love & grace.
God is so good. sooo good.

I can't express in words the gratitude and love that i feel..
but when i'm more awake and collected in my thoughts
i will share more of why i feel this way
but for now.. i just know God's love is strong.
God is kind.. and seeing his hand at work
feeling and knowing it
makes me feel weak and small yet STRONG because
of God's strong arms and love...

What gives me the most hope every day is God’s grace; knowing that his grace is going to give me the strength for whatever I face, knowing that nothing is a surprise to God.

There is no amount of darkness that can extinguish the inner light. The important thing is not to spend our lives trying to control the environment around us. The task is to control the environment within us.
-Joan Chittester

Where there is great love there are always miracles.
-Willa Cather

"This brother of yours was dead, and he's alive! He was lost, and he's found!'" Luke 15:32

I don't know what to think or even feel right now.
i'm scared.
ryan is in trouble.. he's been in the dark for so long
he needs to get out, he needs help.
our prayers have been that everything would fall apart.
.... everything seems to be falling apart.

my parents received a call tonight saying
"come get me" from ryan
and then got disconnected.
they couldn't get a hold of him
and finally his ex girlfriend called back
and said stop calling. (she might be drunk)
and basically wants him out...
screaming was going on in the background
she wouldn't let my dad talked to ryan
finally she did - he just said "please come get me"

i'm not sure what is going on
all i can do is pray and hope.
ryan's world is being torn beneath him
and he is at rock bottom.
where else can he turn?

my parents live two hours away
they are on their way but can't get there fast enough
i think a family friend is going to up there
i have no idea what kind of situation he will walk into
but hopefully he will be safe.

my heart is broken but hopeful.
Father, bring your protection, your love and your wisdom.

i love my brother
i miss him.
it would be really nice to have him back.

overwelmed with portfolio, presentations, quizzes,
homework and tests..
school has began!
.. thankfully after tomorrow my internship work
will be wrapped up.
I'm nervous about my presentation
and can't wait to finish the portfolio.

today i was preparing the portfolio
attaching the proper headings, numbers, etc
I needed to print it out and compile it.
but of course my printers ink ran out after two pages
go figures...
blah.

ran into a creep at walmart - (on my ink run)
pretty sure he was a drug dealer.
he had the dog to prove it.
he was so sketchy... i kept my distance
although he was parked next to me
when i walked out he was outside his car
i just pretend like nothing was wrong
got in my car QUICKLY.. and locked my door
altoona certainly has more creeps than anywhere
i've lived before.. ew ew.

i'm in desperate need of a male.
.. i know that sounds really odd..
but i'm the least mechanical person you may ever meet
and so i need a boys help constructing (not sure if that is the right word)
i bought something i need help putting together.
i tried contracting a male friends help.. or at least his power tools
he scared me. i am no longer going to attempt it.
he'll have to or someone else. not me. I'll ruin it.
i could also use some protection.. (see creep at walmart)
haha :)

i miss state college and my friends more and more each day
i've spent equal time in state college and altoona.
i didn't see my friends all summer!
I'm so thankful for my friends.
they are such a good support system for me
people i can laugh, cry, talk, and discuss things with
... after this year we will all be going our seperate ways
some to colorado, some will stay in state college, others don't know yet
(like me...)

not too many people have asked me what my plans are yet
but enough have to begin to cause my anxiety to rise
I'm okay with not knowing.. but i hate not having an answer
when someone asks.

first i need to make it through all my classes
and walk out alive in the spring.
here's to hoping!